So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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