Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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