yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
