I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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