oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize