did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We left an ass print on the piano.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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