Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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