Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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