Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
