i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
