Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Duck Duck Cougar?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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