All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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