This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
