if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
