U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
