I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
