Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
