Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
