i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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