I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
