Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
