I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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