i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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