Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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