Ambien. No doubt about it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
