can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
