Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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