hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
