He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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