I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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