im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize