Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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