Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
