I could have mohawked her pubes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
