I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
