You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
