The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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