I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
