Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
