I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
