No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
