I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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