K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I currently don't understand fingers.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
