I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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