i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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