your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
