It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
