I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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