Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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