I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
