just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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