I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
