I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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