you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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