Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
