everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
