What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
