You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
