C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize