i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
