After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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