it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
