Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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