come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
