I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
