Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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