have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
