i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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