it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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