the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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