I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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