Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
