Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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