I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
