U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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