My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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