I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
