hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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