my mouth tastes like poor choices
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
