She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
