I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We are all done wearing pants today
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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