ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
