I didn't shave. On purpose
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
