I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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