I love black thongs
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
