i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
