You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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